09/08/22 - 2:29 p.m.

Trying to figure out why I'm anxious. And ironically, I think it comes from trying not to feel anxious.

See, it's not really my problem. My girlfriend lost the prescription for new eyeglasses that an optometrist filled out for her. So I'm sitting next to her on the couch, as she's phoning up voicemail systems at her health insurance provider trying to figure out how to get another copy. But they're not open yet, so she's trying another number, and then they're telling her to call that first number, which is now open... Except they transfer her to another number...

And since I'm sitting on the couch next to her, I don't want to make things worse. So I feel like I can't say, "You know, you don't need to have your phone on speakerphone the whole time." And then she's also getting frustrated -- and I'm still sitting next to her. And yet I also can't say, "You know what? I'm not sure I want to be in the room while you're getting angrier and angrier..."

So, I endure the whole thing. (She gets a copy of her prescription, everything's all set -- except now she's too upset to go use it, and decides to take the day off.) But I'm still feeling weird about it. Like there's a boundary violation, and I don't know how to fix it. And I wonder if writing about it here makes it worse. How, exactly do I let go of this?

But I finally decided that part of the problem was me telling myself not to get upset about it. Because I was upset about it, but telling myself to stifle that just kind of locks it in for the rest of the day...

I'd just gotten a really nice email from a friend. And I was reading it -- but oh, but girlfriend's getting angry now. Kind of ruined the moment.

And yeah, you can't complain about that at all. Like you're some super-sensitive, British aristocrat who can't be dismayed by a harsh word or sound. Except, yeah, I was really feeling it -- like a cold wind when you're wearing short-sleeved shirts.

At least it helps to acknowledge what I'm feeling. Let it out; vent a bit... Say what's troubling you.

I feel a little better. Not sure how.

Not sure how I make myself feel the other little bit better, so I can move on with my day.