07/17/10 - 3:52 a.m.

I moved a while back. Now it's been a few months, and I look back on that rough transition.

I'd wanted to spend more time in my old neighborhood, but when moving time came, I was slammed with all the logistics. And so I never got to spend more time in my old neighborhood. Which I'd wanted...

And I'd wanted it for a specific reason. I can't tell you what it is, but maybe that is the reason: because I wanted to. And I didn't get it.

I mean, I know that I don't handle disappointments well. But I think it's more than that. The reason, specifically, that I'd wanted to stay is because of what that town had meant to me. It's where I started my new career. Where I sat on the steps and looked at the stars with hope. And remembered sitting on the steps when I was still trapped at a job I didn't like, and hoping some day it'd get better. (It did.)

And hot summer nights when I walked to the book store up the street. Hell, just flopping down on my bed. Enjoying my bachelor life alone. Storing up all my energy for when I'd try something new in the world around me.

So it was a big change. And I never got to pick over it. And I don't know how to carve out a chunk of time now, for "picking over that move I made a few months ago. Even though it's already over." I just don't know how to do it.

Someone once said to me, "Well, you start by sitting quietly..." They also used the word "noticing," but I'm not sure that really applies to things that happened to long ago. Anyways, that's really all I can do.

"You start by sitting quietly..."