02/10/08 - 11:36 a.m.

I had a crappy time last night.

I went out with some friends. One friend I get along with great, but there was a couple in town that wanted to meet us. I dunno; they just weren't as much fun to hang out with.

We talked and talked, for hours, about this and that. Time passed. I (probably needlessly) got my feelings hurt towards the end when I made a suggestion that the woman didn't like. I came home. The end.

What the hell? Why do evenings that seem like they're going to be fun end up being...not fun?

I'm playing music now. And it's helping. Is it just that I'm back to the perfectly-controlled world of my own apartment? No, that's unfair to me. There was something genuinely un-fun about that evening.

I don't know how to get over it. I don't "grieve" well. When I have a mediocre time, I don't think about it.

Maybe the problem is that I'm brilliant. Why am I hanging with the ordinary?

They were almost 20 years younger than me.

I've got to figure out who I am and where I fit in.

Maybe this wasn't it.