08/25/07 - 9:33 a.m.

Self respect.

I don't really know what that means -- it's a word you hear in sitcoms and children's shows, tacked on for the feel-good ending. It's probably a hard thing to explain.

But when I was a teenager, we moved. (And eventually I got sent out to get a job before I was really ready.) I think I handled those situations with a certain amount of self-denial -- which, really, is the opposite of self respect.

I can't think of a clever way to say that. (Self un-respect?) But it reached a new level in the last five years. And it seemed so logical at the time. "I'm working 40 hours a week -- right? And that's a lot of work -- right? So when I get home, I should be able to enjoy a moment where I'm not being responsible -- right?"

And the problem with that is that, really, your goal shouldn't be play and happiness all the time. You should be feeling good about yourself. Realizing whatever thrill and joy there is in just feeling life going on around you.

As the years rolled on, I think this created stress. My life seemed out of control. Because the guy doing the driving was an irresponsible driver.

After all, he'd already been responsible for 40 hours that week... :)