07/18/06 - 12:10 a.m.

I felt like I had the answer, this weekend.

Came in to work, and it was stupid. I felt like people ignored me. I got a weird warning about a political situation, telling me not to do something I'd already done. And I was tired. And demoralized.

Sometimes I tell myself I want to do a crappy job, just to get fired - so I can get unemployment. There are so many more interesting things I could be doing. In just a few weeks, I'll have money saved up.

Mostly I just want to sleep. Or play on the net.

I'm seeing a doctor this week. I have a list of counselors I could also call. The only reason I haven't is - well, it'll be a pain to actually find one who's taking new patients. And, also, I feel like I'm too much in flux to be able to convey my situtation.

Okay, eyelids getting heavy now. The other problem I have is I don't want to go to bed depressed. So I stay up, later and later. Which doesn't really help.

I think I just need to admit that I'm really, really tired. And that keeps me from the things I want to do.