07/19/06 - 11:12 p.m.

Amazingly, my computer crashed as I was writing an entry. I think I'd just typed, "Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself." Let's see...

"I'm tired and depressed. Or is that depressed and tired?"

"I hope this is something physiological. But maybe that's because I'm psychologically weak."

The thrust was I don't try hard enough to fix the things that bug me at work. I may be addicted to online games, just in the sense that they let me escape from things that bug me.

I see my doctor tomorrow...

So that was fairly cogent. Maybe there's nothing wrong with me, other than excruciating boredom. I have friends who'd say that a talented guy like me should be able to find fun work, something I'd like. But how? They don't advertise those jobs on online job listing sites. ("See? There you go again, not trying hard enough to fix things.")

I got away with not working for so long. Does that just make it worse? Like the time I faked being sick, and my mom let me stay home from school for a week when I was a kid. Boy, did I not want to go back to school after a week of not going...

The real moral could be that my parents sucked. But - again -- what am I going to do to fix it?

I'm cogent enough. Maybe I'm just choosing not to fix it.

That would be kind of a downer place to end this. But it feels honest. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I'll feel something different tomorrow. So it doesn't even matter what I feel today. :)