10/04/02 - 11:44 p.m.

First off, I'm glad Antiprofound is posting again. She'll probably be glad to read that I'm thinking about Ladyfriend again...

I went to a single's event this week. And I realized how flawed that is; a cattle call of strangers with nothing in common. I even start feeling my original slow-but-steady strategy for dating is working pretty good -- at least by comparison. I had a platonic dinner with Ladyfriend a week ago. And I know another woman who now may be breaking up with her boyfriend soon...

I got shot down by a lot of the women at the singles event. And I really didn't care. I've developed enough self esteem to realize that if they don't like the real me, I wouldn't want to go out with them anyways.

And there were a few women who gave me their phone number - but still. All those people in the world, and it turns out that alot of them spend their weekends doing things I'd find boring, and pursue careers that don't interest me in the slightest.

Maybe you need an event like this to make you realize just how good you've got it with the friends you already have. Ladyfriend is a special lady. I've thought and thought about this, and decided that no matter what happens between her and I, that's still true. And - this may be where I get into trouble, but - I haven't ruled out the possibility that someday she and I will get together. I try to think what I should be doing in the meantime. Not waiting around, obviously. Getting myself together. Um, I think I've posted this whole chain of thought in this diary already...

There was more I wanted to say, though. About how I'm feeling independent, how I see my foolish past in different ways. I laugh, and know - really know - that I'm going to make better decisions down the road. I'm, like, growing.

So it's late - and I'm tired - but those are some of the threads running through my head as the weekend starts. Two more days left to my own devices. Who knows how mature I'll be come Sunday night...!