05/15/14 - 8:33 a.m.

My girlfriend shoved me the other day.

I hate saying it, so I haven't talked about it to anyone. Someone said it's pride that stops people from dealing with domestic violence. Although first you have to ask if it really is domestic violence. A pattern is what people consider domestic violence. So I did have to ask myself first: is this really a sign, or just a one-time thing?

"It will happen again," someone said on the web. But someone else said if it's a longstanding relationship you can try to work it out. They said see a counselor, so I put that on my list. When my girlfriend and I talked, it ended up with her agreeing to go to couples counseling. (Although I have to be the one who finds the counselor.)

I'd been hoping she would go to counseling by herself, and I'd go to my own counselor by myself. Maybe I can transition to that -- have her switch to seeing this counselor individually, while I go to own. If I tell myself that, I'll feel better about this. But I still have a worried feeling inside.

Maybe it's this chair -- I have to sit sort of hunched over sometimes, and it cramps my gut, creating a clenched "worried" physical sensation. But I think I'm worried because my girlfriend and I were staying apart from each other, but now that we have this counseling plan, she's trying to have things be back the way they were. I need to stand firm: I'm not comfortable with that. We need some progress before I can even consider going back to the way things were.

I guess admitting that feels good. She's got a business trip starting Sunday morning. We were planning to stay in the hotel by the airport on Saturday night. On my to-do list: tell her I don't want to sleep in the hotel with her. But, so, Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night. If I can find three things that will get me out of the house -- I'll feel better.