05/23/07 - 10:53 a.m.

You know why I'm here?

Because I don't want to be.

It seems weird that I'm so out of touch with myself; that I don't even want to listen. Maybe I'll lie down and read a book with pictures, and see if that makes my mind wander in a kind of Rorschach self-awareness cycle.

I think the desire to relax is probably the key to all this. It's not that I don't want to be in touch with myself; it's that I'm worried about all the things I have to do. If I listen to my tiredness, to my desire to relax -- then how am I going to get it done?

But I also wonder if there's leftover stress from the past? A friend emailed me -- saying I should relax. Saying it sounded like I was having fun. My new work is good. That's true. I guess I do just need to relax a bit.

Maybe I'm fighting some kind of cold.

Okay, then. "Book with pictures" it is!