05/28/07 - 3:33 a.m.

My back hurts. A "sitting injury." It gets a little better each day -- especially now that I've doubled my dose of aspirin. And I'm using a cold pack, and even swigging some beer. (For the anesthesia effect.

I came here to write because... I almost yelled at a friend tonight.

And then I thought it all through. They'd sent me an email complaining about the directions I'd sent them. I guess I could say I was blamed for things that weren't my fault -- how was I supposed to know they hadn't driven a vehicle in three years. They got scared, pulled over, then called my cellphone which was off. Okay, so far so good. But because they had email in that moment, they typed out a nasty email about how...

Well, I went back and read it. I guess you could read that email two ways. Maybe I'm a little defensive around her, because once she shut me down. And she even sent me a nice response to the angry email I'd sent her in return.

Maybe we're addressing the defensiveness on the fringes of our conversation. Although I'd thought there was more too it than that. That what I really wanted was a good friend, but what I'd really wanted from a friend was: unconditional love. So I came here to tell myself to get used to it; that you can't expect that kind of uncritical adulation from the world. (Although I do...)

But maybe that's not it. Maybe I just want a friend who won't attack me.

To be fair, she did write back... "Sorry for whining so loud." I dunno, I guess I have a right to be mad. And also - to bring this back around - I think the pain and the beer are making me a little reckless.

So what do you do with what you feel? I even told myself to be proud -- that I had felt anger. Maybe I should just tell her -- I don't like people yelling at me. Especially you, since you shut me down. Just for that, we're going to Shrek 3, whether you want to or not.

Heh.