08/28/05 - 10:36 p.m.

I think I need to see a psychiatrist.

It's like I have this backlog of depression since I moved to a new city. And I sort of know what it is. I just don't want to pick through all the stuff I left behind.

Everyone I knew lived in the old city. And I'm really not very good at dealing with change. I tell myself that recognizing the problem will gradually eliminate it. Which is perhaps just an excuse for not doing anything; for continuing to do the thing that's not working...

For not picking through the things I left behind.

Life was pretty crappy back there, but I'd found ways to be happy. I miss my cozy cheap apartment, and the long walks I took. And the good restaurants. My new town is kind of crummy. Maybe I should've moved into a different neighborhood. (I can do that. I just need to wait out my lease, or pay the penalty.) Actually, maybe I should've found a funner job.

I look at the online personal ads, and realize I'm too down to hold up my end in a relationship.

I'm just not dealing well with this lump of change. I told myself that over time, it would all get better.

But that hasn't really happened....