04/21/2022 - 4:12 p.m.

I'm exhausted. From being angry about work. And now I have to get back... to work.

I reached a point where I wasn't trusting co-workers. But then looking back today, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, I complained to the supervisor -- who said they didn't see what the problem was, and then sided against me, and then said some things that were out of the blue and made it clear just how completely out of touch they are with everything. And then didn't respond to the email I'd sent in reply.

And now it's time to get back to work.

And I'm telling myself that none of it matters. So I do the same thing I always did, and nothing changes. And talking to the supervisor was a mistake which I will never, ever make again. (So, at least that situation will never occur again.) Be grateful my supervisor has pretty much vanished in the last year. Be grateful that they are so-often gone.

Thing is, i used to really enjoy being off on my own doing my work. But now i feel like I'm really off on my own -- that my supervisor has absolutely no idea what my situation is like, doesn't want to know, wouldn't know if I sat down and explained everything to them. (They'd just hear whatever they wanted to -- whatever meant the least amount of need for them to get involved.)

I think now I just show up and go through the motions, like always. And the paychecks keep coming. And hope nobody bothers me any more. And they probably won't bother me. Maybe I should just enjoy the act of doing my work. Knowing that I don't care what any of my co-workers think any more. Just do it for the satisfaction.

But I was really hoping to let go of the anger and hate and bitterness. I thought I'd made some progress today. But my stomach is clenched-up right now. So, obviously not enough progress.