08/19/2021 - 8:34 a.m.

I'm moving on with the rest of my day... But this morning I had a big insight.

That one reason I feel so guilty about fights I had with my family was: I believed it would somehow make them less angry. That some magic control would appear if I assumed a position of defeat and guilt, helpless abject surrender.

The problem is you keep feeling that, on and on... Until the day you decide you don't want that magical protection -- don't need it, don't care about it, don't even believe it really exists.

It's a little embarrassing to have burned so many years on a youthful ploy to defuse an argument. But one of the things that makes this easier today is: I got a big raise a work. So I am so, so capable to taking care of myself, on my own.

Out here on my own -- and I feel fine.