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02/10/16 - 10:53 a.m.

When I was young, I believed in magic. Like, basically, magical solutions to problems. I'd identify what was likely to make things better, then put a lot of pressure on myself to make it happen, telling myself that my problem would vanish if I did all of these things...

The problem is -- well, there's a couple problems. You don't correctly assess the challenge -- your challenge is to perform the ritual so perfectly that magic occurs. So there's also extra stress to be perfect, which means more (and usually needless) wear and tear on yourself. You lose flexibility, too. But I think the most important thing is, you never develop confidence in yourself.

Because you don't see it as your ability to meet that challenge. It's always an external process that "gets that glory" -- and you're just kicking off the process. Plus, it makes you want to do as little as possible. (Because it's so stressful to go through all this!)

My girlfriend and I are making some changes. And so far, it's been a good experience. But I think that's because I believe that we'll talk things through. When we do, we listen to what we want, each of us. We brainstorm ideas. It's not completely new, since some of this we've done before. And we've both stored up a lot of energy over the last few months and years.

But also, I just think that I've grown. I do know that I can meet some challenges -- hold some jobs, earn some money... Even if I don't know what they are, I'm not worried about me being in "recovery mode" from my last bout of pressure.

So maybe the key is to really try not to put that kind of pressure on myself.

To treat myself kindly... So I'm ready to meet the next challenge.

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