12/30/12 - 11:30 a.m.

I really hate how I'm getting dragged around today. It's yet-another crisis with my girlfriend. But it's piled on top of stress over my new job. And that's something I'm probably also not handling well...

Friday I told myself to forget all about the job until next week -- and that pretty much locked in my stress. I think I'm too good at forgetting about things. Seriously. My theory is my right brain can shut down even access to the capability to perform (or remember?) any work-related activity. My worry isn't so much that I'll forget it all by next week. It's that right now, I'm not able to do any of the things I need to do to keep my job -- because that part of my brain is in "lock down" mode!

It's stressful, but it's probably a relic from my childhood, where I developed "lockdown mode" because of its (perceived) ability to make things go smoother. Maybe I should just say lockdown mode is a bad idea now -- except I've already convinced myself over the years that it's a useful protocol for ensuring maximum relaxation. Yesterday I decided that there's a case to be made that relaxing is an important work function -- or at least, re-charging, so I can go back into the job next week feeling fresh.

Maybe that's a healthier response -- just giving myself permission to stop worrying. Rather than trying to force myself to forget altogether.