03/22/12 - 10:47 p.m.

A lot going on...

My girlfriend finally got a job. But when she got the news, I was fussing with the legalese on PayPal. I stopped what I was doing - and went out to celebrate with her. But now that's kind-of-sort-of bothering me...

I guess because in the past, she's been so emotional -- so "dramatic" -- that I've had to prop her up emotionally. And now she's ostensibly got the perfect new life, so I won't have to do that any more -- as long as she can make the transition. It's like that Twilight Zone episode where the kid has spooky powers - so everyone is all, like, "That's GREAT! OMG, so awesome! Yes! Hooray!"

I don't want to do that...

And the worst part was that as part of the celebration, she wanted to visit a friend of hers that I don't really like. And it was just like every other visit - I felt like they were good friends, and while I was 100% in the room, for them I wasn't. I promised myself I wouldn't "go there" with this train of thought, because I just can't "read" her friend, so I have no idea where I fit into her universe. (And so it's easy to imagine something negative, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.) But, well, I wish we didn't have to go and visit her. Hell, I wish I didn't have to spend a whole day tagging along nodding and going "That's great, honey."

Hey, here's an idea. Maybe you could pull yourself together, all on your own. So I could go on with my life. I just moved too, you know. I'm making big career changes too, you know. I worry about money too, you know. But obviously I can't say that - I can't be a big downer on her super-big day. And of course, a relationship counselor will tell you this is the kind of stuff that comes out, sooner or later, anyways. So we're probably cruising for an argument.

I've told my girlfriend before: I'm not 100% comfortable getting dragged to parties of your friends. I think there is a route to more confidence - hell, maybe I'm even on it. But that still doesn't mean I want to go to a party with your friends. And just ignoring my shyness isn't a solution.

Actually, what I'm probably upset about is what happens next. Since she only has a few weeks before she starts her new job, she wants to finish unpacking the last boxes from our move. Before, we'd had this nice leisurely schedule. But now suddenly there's a deadline. And, yes, I committed to helping her get the place all settled in over the next 13 days. Do I want to do that? Hell no! I'm exhausted from the move - physically, spiritually, emotionally. I e-mailed a friend about how rough the move was -- but I haven't even gotten a reply yet. I'm exhausted from lugging around those four super-heavy boxes last night - because of course, she can't lift any of those boxes herself. My body is sore and angry. And instead of a few days of rest and appreciation - now we're on the track for more moving.

I should figure out what I'm really mad about, and then say something. I guess first and foremost, I'm just going to have to sever this symbiotic link.

That's great that you got a job, honey. Good luck. Now I have some things to do, too, on my own.

And I just can't commit to two weeks of nodding my head and saying "Yes, dear. That's great, dear...."