10/06/08 - 10:37 a.m.

I'm brooding...

I played a game on the internet, and at the very end I ended up losing when I was sure I was going to win.

Today, taking a walk, I told myself: "It doesn't matter." And I wanted to cry.

I think my self esteem -- or my ability to just do things -- was on the line. Actually, I'd decided that it was that feeling that I can do something special, so I'm worth something.

Probably I should tell myself I'm worth something, regardless. It won't change -- at all. It's not in any way related to a game's outcome.