06/04/08 - 7:28 p.m.

I need to get control of my destiny. More money would help -- but really, just taking a hard look at it would probably help too.

Though what would really help is "being in touch" with my feelings. That is, not blustering forward with borrowed confidence.

The problem is there's a lot to sort through...

I got in a minor quarrel with a friend today. It was about money. In the end they gave me most of what I wanted. I hated being vulnerable like that, though.

It was a small amount of money. It just seemed weird that they resisted me. It was like I was in the wrong -- when I didn't think I was. And hell, maybe I was in the wrong. I stopped paying attention. It's hard to argue.

In the end it ended up about where it should've. But the relationship is a little weird now. Because they resisted me, and I don't really understand how it got resolved.

I guess I should just tell myself: this won't come up again in the future, ever. Maybe I need to add: I'm sorry this happened.