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05/18/08 - 9:02 p.m.

So I'm mad at a friend. They "forgot" to tell me they weren't going to be able to see me -- and then didn't seem particularly upset about the miscommunication. ("I said I was sorry. So it's over.")

This may be irresponsible of me, but I think they knwo (or should know) that they handled this badly. And that they just want to duck out on having to cop to any of that.

Anyways, it's good that I stuck to my guns. ("You're not really sorry, so I'm still really mad, and that's where we are now.") At least I'm not pretending to be fine when I'm not. I will not renounce my true emotions.

I mean, I could be "working through" my feelings trying to find some way to ratchet them down so that my disappointment level would be less.

I guess to be fair I should admit that my friend is just an all-around big flake in general, so it's not like I was singled out. But does that really make it all better? I think I still should express the full brunt of my disappointment. And if that's not what they want in a friend -- well, that's who I am.

I thought we were really good friends. But sometimes I think that if we really were good friends, we wouldn't have this kind of problem.

Anyways, where are we at now? What about that "working through my feelings?" My first thought is no, I can't accept this level of half-hearted communication in a friend. I think that's fair. The counter-argument is that because of my past, I do have a need for some friends who could fill in for the nonjudgmental experience I was always craving.

I was probably a lot easier to hang around with before I started standing up for myself.

Things are going to change somehow. I haven't really sorted out just how, just yet.

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