01/15/08 - 5:43 p.m.

I went back into Second Life. I finally got the texture problem fixed, and met my friend "in-world."

It took a long time, and I missed lunch, and didn't have much fun, and realized my system really reduces the interface to something horrible and unworkable. And that I shouldn't throw creative energy into something that's as broken as this.

And my friend is crazy, I told myself, for wanting to cling to this so much -- desperate for some kind of escape from the real world. I understand that, but I'm not on the same page.

It's kind of a drag when you realize your friends are different, and you're not in the same place after all, and that's the way it is. I guess the days are over when you could assume that people would automatically understand you. Maybe that was always a fantasy anyways.

I think because I missed lunch I got irritable, with a low blood sugar. Or maybe I just didn't let go of enough anger after finally dealing with that check that never showed up after three weeks. And I should be mad about that. I guess that's part of the problem. I feel bad because I got angry on the phone when I called about the check.

But here's some good news. Part of the problem was that I leaned on my receiver, and accidentally hung up on the "customer service representative" I was talking to. It was, ironically, right after I said "Okay, but there's one more important thing I need to tell you..." [click]

Yes I called back, and I wasn't particularly cheery when the guy told me no, he couldn't reconnect me to the person I'd been speaking to. Could he take a message?

The message was that I didn't appreciate having to wait three weeks for my god-damn check to show up. "Could you please pass that on to the people upstairs who handle this kind of thing." I raised my voice, I harangued.

And yeah, I feel conflicted that I did that. I guess I have to admit that I'm going to be a guy who's going to feel that way from time to time. It didn't fly in my family. But my family was screwy.

Welcome to the real world, where strangers get mad at strangers...

Should I be upset that I've forfeited the part of myself who was always kind to everyone? There's something to be said for standing up for myself; that I can't not be kind to myself, and validate my impulses. Hell, they would probably want me to speak up if there was a problem, and I was dissatisfied about it.

So I've made a valuable to corporate America. Yea, me.

Oh yeah, the good news. I yanked that phone out of the wall -- the one that has the button that will cut off your call if you accidentally lean on it. I walked it across the room, holding it high above my head, dubbing this the phone walk of shame. To the back of the closet you go, betrayer phone.

And then I plugged in a better phone so I'll never have that problem again.

Dr. Seuss wrote a story about a guy who couldn't make his problems go away. He concludes that instead, "My troubles....are going to have trouble with me." Yeah. Kick a**.