09/05/07 - 7:35 a.m.

No new incoming links for that web article I wrote.

I should hate myself for caring so much. But really I hate myself for going through the motions, feigning a coolness - "acting like I'm already there," as it were. Because it doesn't feel sincere.

I've been thinking about that a lot this morning. What do you do when you're a kid, and your parents are acting like good parents, and you see right through it? I think there's a lot of implicit pressure to act like you believe it. Which, obviously, is somewhat dis-empowering. And sets you up for a lifetime of acting like _______ when you're really feeling _______.

Now that I'm alone in my apartment, it's like hitting the magic time-stop button. No one gets in to demand that I feign a specific reaction they're after.

Last night I had one of those dreams - that I could fly.

Maybe that's where this is going...