04/22/07 - 12:59 a.m.

That good will and enthusiasm -- it does count for something.

I was re-reading my old blog, and decided I needed to acknowledge that. Yes, a lot of my memories are of me hiding in my apartment, playing the Cat Woman video game. There really didn't seem to be much to see in that town -- and I really didn't get the hang of venturing out into the world much. (It was such a hassle even getting to my car -- out the door, down the stairs, across the lot to the parking space, then around the building, through the security gate, around the hairpin turn.... Spontaneous it wasn't!)

But, yes, I did it with determination.

For a while. I guess I did lose some of that. And, also -- I was trying really hard, maybe a little too hard.

But today's insight: one of the things I was struggling against was their lack of clear direction and guidance.

I drove into that parking space every day, in Lot B. And walked through the gate, down the pathway, the long long walk to my appointed desk. I tried. I showed up. I showed up, and then I tried. And then I went home. And that was me trying too.

Let's not fail to acknowledge that.