04/02/07 - 10:21 p.m.

I guess there's a pattern.

I was just thinking how "committed" I was to a job audition that I ultimately didn't get.

And then this weekend there was a long date that ended up leading nowhere.

These things would bother me less if I were more confident, more "myself," in these moments. If I were able to say "Eh, no biggie. I've got myself, and if you're not into me... Whatever."

Why is that so elusive? I sort of lost my grounding a while back, although I was trying to find a new kind of personality. And in these six months, maybe that's the best time to find it.

Maybe the fact that I'm having emotional experiences is a good sign. I'm having the kind of out-of-the-box opportunities I need to grow.

I'm going to take a walk to the bank and think about it.