04/03/07 - 4:32 p.m.

I was once told I don't "grieve" well. Maybe that's true.

I should probably take a moment to feel sad about what won't be after Friday's date. I'd thought she was smart, strong, and yet vulnerable enough to be open to me.

I obviously got the key fact wrong -- she didn't want any thing like that with me. But now I need to let go of the rest. I don't have a girlfriend who's smart, and strong-yet-vulnerable. Nope. All the feelings and hope I had for that... Zilch.

It may sound like I'm deliberately beating up on myself. But I am trying to do the "good grieving". To get over this.

I've got a lead on a new girl. She seems smart. And that's the thing; I tried getting excited, but the part of me that wants a smart girl just leads instantly back to Friday's date.

Or maybe it's the part of me that was lonely Friday; and it won't matter because I'll get in touch with myself now, so that won't be a deciding factor. I told myself this morning: I was going to be a "real" date -- confident in myself, and thus more open about being myself. (Especially when meeting new women.) If you find yourself trying to move away from that -- then you're not doing it right.

So trying to "make the grade" with a smart girl is wrong. You're already smart -- but whatever level your smarts are at, that's it; it's what you got. So go with that.

Have faith that that's enough.