02/18/07 - 12:59 p.m.

I'm going to keep doing that. Documenting my feelings. I'll have a whole slew of diaryland posts if I have to - each one recording my thoughts.

I got to thinking about when I was six -- alone, watching Saturday morning cartoons. I think there must've been a moment where I said "I'm happy, I like myself. Who am I? Someone who enjoys cartoons!" In high school, it was the opposite. "I don't like where I am; so I'm going to let a bunch of stuff happen around me. But it's NOT who I am." So now, I'm much older, and the thoughts are combined. "Everything since doesn't count; I've still got all the untapped potential I had when I was young."

I just read that someone was related to the philosopher Hegel. Does he go through life wondering why he isn't also Hegel? But that made me wonder - what if you COULD do great philosophy? A walking Da Vinci, a walking Hegel. You'd have to just ignore the world -- they wouldn't get your precious gift. You'd have to have your own self-sense. And that's also why it's important to like your life and where you're at. It's a background for that gift.

Maybe I should go to the public library and read the Kurt Vonnegut short story I keep wanting to read. I think he understood...