07/02/06 - 12:00 a.m.

I'm a little depressed.

I think I'm actually running from big changes in myself that I'm starting to be aware of. I had a habit of looking away, and I've started not looking away.

But now when I go back to my old habits - the things that used to distract me and entertain me - maybe that's what depresses me. Not following through on this new growth.

Or maybe the depression is the growth itself. Realizing just how bad my family was; just how much I've got to do to take care of myself.

The good news is: I'm finally free. Sort of. I'd like to have a better job that I'd like more. But there I things I like about my current job.

After a good day at work, I feel the hold of the past loosening. What's that they say? "One day at a time?"

"They." Maybe I need a sponsor for adult children of dysfunctional families. What do I do next?

I've said - for a while - that I need to find some positive influence in my life.

The plan for tonight was to read a good book. Maybe that's still on.

But I need to find something to care about. Some group of people, something.