06/04/06 - 1:37 p.m.

When I'd gotten that last job, it was a strange working environment. But, no, I'd already gotten a little anti-social before then. I didn't want people to realize how spooked I was about my cash flow.

And it was hard to explain my issues around working. "I always felt safer if I didn't 'rock the boat' when I was growing up - that is, let my parents handle everything."

I've since started to realize that, really, it's safer and more practical to go ahead and start working. But back then, I'd prefer to be alone with my odd personal policies. And yet - there I was at a workplace. And spooked.

And it was an odd workplace...

So the plan was to retreat into myself, and just present an all-encompassing front at work. While retaining these odd policies. Thing is, then I got in that habit - and, really, just having a front seemed to be working okay. I didn't really recognize at the time that inside me it was actually feeling a little invalidating and unpleasant.

Today was good. I said to myself that I should be myself. Be confident enough to just go with that in various situations. In the past - who really cares about the past, but - in the past this may not have worked so well. I went through a lot of other weird situations. Which, actually, may also have inspired the use of a "front."

I could write a folk song that says Sooner or later you gotta be your self. But, yeah - that is good advice.