05/04/06 - 2:30 a.m.

Another night where I can't sleep.

This sucks. I mean, I'm actually enjoying the stolen moments of downtime. And I'm assuming it's just big life changes that are keeping me awake. (And not a hard mattress.)

Of course, my hypochondria could make me worry that there's some serious physiological change behind all this.

Anyways, 72 hours from now this "show will be on the road." Maybe my real fear is that at some point in time I'll walk away from this process, even though it needs to be finished in a specific (and reasonably tight) time period.

I had another insight tonight. There WERE good times over the last few years. I just tried to keep myself from being open to them. Maybe it's just safe to be open to them now. Before I was probably afraid I'd be attaching to things that I couldn't hang on to. And my job security never really materialized; I never felt certain of what they wanted from me (or if I could do it, or if I WANTED to.) Whatever; that'll be a part of a much smaller set of total problems if I move back to my same old neighborhood as before.

Here's to the future. And here's to the past, in glorious hindsight.

Good-bye, 2005.