04/01/06 - 10:53 p.m.

So I'm kinda depressed.

Ironically, that's how this diary started, four years ago.

I lived in a different city then - and I was four years younger. And I think my digestive system worked better then; more energy, more sleep.

But maybe the lack of sleep is just a symptom of the depression. And maybe they're all just a symptom of financial problems.

Which would be a symptom of my employment problems...

Of course, I had to remind myself tonight of that old truism - that as long as you're blaming external factors, you're denying yourself the chance to make them right. (And denying yourself that opportunity - denying that it's even possible.) That could be why I'm so depressed.

My friend advises me to get in touch with my feelings; she says too much of what I do is distracting myself from that. Maybe that's why I used to like taking long car trips.

Well, maybe I'll take a car trip in a few weeks. Yes, I'm punting on doing anything about my problems right now.

Hopefully the next time I read this diary - I'll feel bad about that.