03/24/06 - 11:56 p.m.

When I was a kid, we moved a lot. And so - logically - you weren't sure if the people around you would be there later.

You also weren't sure of your parents. There was a consistency there - but they'd had their own problematic childhoods. I sensed an insincerity.

That was rough. Earlier this week I became really depressed - just from recognizing that. Recognizing the contortions I'd gone into trying to make that insincerity into something sustaining.

And now?

I'm seeing a counselor. And she told me I need to get in touch with emotions. I've think I've bottled up as much as I can. Now that I have a higher-paying job that's relatively easy, there should be that space there.

Heck, it could even be fun, getting in touch with myself and my feelings after all these years.

Anyways, that's the plan.