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8/09/05 - 11:58 p.m.

So I got shot down by a girl.

"I thought I was ready to date again. But after my date - with you - I realized that I wasn't! Tee-hee!"

So after three hours of putting myself out there - and feeling good about it - those good feelings get retroactively rescinded?

What can you do? Actually, what bothers me more is I sent her an email back - and then she didn't answer it. She doesn't like writing emails during the week, you see.

She also specified that she'd now be having lots of sex with strangers. She's still okay with that. Alas, I'm the one man on earth ineligible for that bounty, being not a stranger, because of this three-hour date she insisted on having, right before she realized she wasn't ready to date.

Someone might tell you that that's just something she said; that she didn't find me attractive, so she used that line. ("Whoops! Gosh, my poor ol' heart just ain't ready for this. And it's got nothing to do with you!") I'm certainly not going to "lawyer" her into changing her mind. ("You really don't know me THAT well....")

I've been in this situation before, though. Where the gentle let-down letter doesn't really actually say yes or no about whether or not you're seeing each other. So you have to follow-up and ask for clarification. And then there's this excruciating waiting period. Followed, anti-climactically, by their distracted and somewhat irritated respond. "What - you still around? Oh, okay - no. Never gonna go out with you. Or have sex with you. Clearer? k, thx, bye."

Maybe that's what I'm really mad about. That I'm pussing around about this. I made the mistake of respecting her. When I wasn't getting what I wanted back. Like dates that don't take two weeks to arrange. And emails that get answered.

I deserve better.

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