8/07/05 - 11:49 p.m.

I feel like I'm growing some self esteem.

When I had to take that crappy day job, I handled it badly. I think I tried cutting off the parts of myself that disliked it most; trying to ignore the things I missed.

That's a logical thing to do, but it kind of hobbles your spirit.

I have more time for myself now, and don't commute as far. And I have my own private cube at work. Sometimes I just sit there and don't do any work at all, and they don't even care....

When I come home from work, my first thought is to do those things I used to do when I was all bummed out at my old job. Bury myself in playing on the computer, or watching TV. Lately I find I'm able to enjoy reading again - hearing my own mind as it works through the words. If I could just make myself lie down and mellow out more, that would be good.

I'm trying to convince myself to go to bed early, and call it "quality alone time", since I'll probably just lie there and be alone with my thoughts. (Which I otherwise don't do.)

I need to stop resisting that. And start finally catching up with my own thoughts...