01/03/05 - 9:30 p.m.

Went back to work today, after a long Christmas vacation.

And I was good. I worked most of the morning without taking long email breaks. It was harder in the afternoon. I was tired after lunch. I wanted to settle into my chair first. Once I started reading email - and web pages - I didn't want to go back to work.

And then I started getting stressed when actual work started impinging on my reverie. Soon it was getting close to the end of the day, and I'd fallen behind on some things that had ended up taking longer.

Home tonight, I wondered what I did wrong. You could argue that if I'd just work harder to begin with, this wouldn't happen.

BUT I DON'T LIKE MY JOB!!!

Yes, I know it's immature. I'm speaking truth here; I AM immature. I'm used to not working.

"Suck it up," I guess, is the answer. Any misery I feel is actually a productive lesson.