12/27/03 - 7:45 p.m.

It's sinking in. I think I've figured out what's been wrong all these years...

I have to stop thinking my parents knew what they were doing. Even if they did, you can't live your life trying to obey your parents. You need to know what's right for yourself.

I know that's a simple cliche. Heck, I thought was disobeying my parents. But way back when, when it really mattered, I was kind of caught up in not upsetting my father, and living in the shadow of his difficult-ness.

I tell myself now that it's really over - that I'm gone now. That that's just strategy for a game that's over.

If I can just let that sink in, I'll be a whole different person.

It's that simple.