7/13/03 - 8:55 p.m.

Depressed. Had beer tonight, and probably didn't eat enough. More like disappointment, though, that the long weekend's coming to a close. (I took Friday off.)

And I'd gotten so much done. Bills and record-keeping, mostly, some grocery shopping; even did dishes. And gave some serious thought to my plans for the future. Maybe that's why I'm depressed...

I have this bad habit of letting my initiative blip out. For a while there I was already the person I'm going to become. Not that I'm not. But...

But... What changes when I go in to work? Mostly it's that work has nothing to do with where I want to be. The economy just sucks, and I can't find a better job. I did find an ad for a better job, though, and sent in a very carefully-prepared resume and cover letter. But now I'm in "golden handcuff" mode.

Still, there are moments now where I break out of that powerless feeling. I've run out of excuses. They gave me the raise, my debts are rapidly shrivelling, and -- yeah, those future plans are certainly attainable.

So maybe this depression is all biophysical. (Don't drink beer and eat a high-carb diet on the last night before going back to work?) Or maybe I'm just bummed that the energy wore off.

Cheer up! There'll be another sunny afternoon after work Monday -- and Tuesday! And Wednesday, Thursday...whoa! A whole 'nother weekend! (And if you make Friday evening work, it feels like three!) Plus, judicious use of vacation time means four day weeks are coming up.

It's amazing how much better these diary entries can make me feel. There's still a little summer light left; I'm going to walk up the street and buy a burger.

A summer-y burger...