8/05/02 - 8:51 p.m.

I spent alot of this morning thinking about LadyFriend...

Maybe I've cleared away some space in my head, for thinking about romance and relationships again. Not that LadyFriend is even in my life anymore; but it's sort of an exercise. I get bright-eyed and dopey, like a teenaged girl thinking about Justin Timberlake. And I think that's healthy; I'm working my way up to pursuing romance in real life again.

There is an unpromising date lined up for later this week. I was trying to think up a good nickname for her for this journal. Maybe "Raincloud?"

So Raincloud wants to see me this week. We always have lousy conversations, but that's because she's painfully shy. I'm thinking since I feel pretty confident, I should experiment with this "total honesty" thing. Even if that means: "I'm not really ready for a relationship right now, but I would like to feel your skin against mine..."

Obviously I'm going to need to work on the wording of this a little. The strangest thing is, I have some hope that this line will actually work with Raincloud. Which tells you alot about her...

I had an encounter last summer which I still think about fondly. Eventually I'll pull all the pieces together -- what I truly need, long-term and short, all in one place, and I'll know the path to find it.

Maybe thinking about LadyFriend is the first step towards visualizing it...