3/26/02 - 2:15 p.m.

I'm a little freaked out that Lady Friend hasn't send me an email today.

This is after I'd told her "Whoops! I have another woman coming over in a few minutes, so you're going to have to go now. But come again!" I mean, I didn't say it like that, but....

She's very important to me, so I probably read too much into small things. That was Saturday afternoon, and there was no new email from her over the weekend. I can understand that. No email Monday night -- well, she was working. But nothing by Tuesday morning...?

I've spent the last three days trying to figure out what exactly happened that afternoon. I wrote a friend a 3,000-word email about my ill-fated attempt to juggle two women. (He read the whole thing, but just wrote back a short email -- basically "wow. busy weekend, dude.") I sent another friend a long email too, but they didn't answer it. Didn't even hear back from my supervisor on that project for early April, which is pretty important to me. In fact, there wasn't much email from anybody.

I wasn't just trying to figure out what happened this weekend, though; I was also trying to come down from that weird rush of anger. Maybe getting ignored in real time like that tapped into my larger reservoir of a lifetime's worth of anger. I'm not going to to talk about my family today. But now that I'm trying to deal with it, my friends seem busier than usual. Or maybe I just want more from them now than I used to.

I started seeing a counselor, but ironically she's just left town for three weeks. Again.

I didn't wake up until noon today. It's sunny outside. Maybe I should walk up to the Chinese restaurant up the street. Get a good meal, get some sunshine. Maybe I just have low blood sugar. I haven't eaten much of anything.

I actually feel a little better just knowing I've written this up for my diary today.

Thanks for reading...