3/25/02 - 11:04 a.m.

It was kind of funny.

This weekend I'm all set up to see Lady Friend on Friday night, and then the woman I call "Friday Date" on Saturday afternoon. But then Lady Friend calls saying she can't make it Friday; can we meet Saturday morning instead?

So Lady Friend and I end up talking and talking Saturday morning. And in the middle of it, I get a call from "Friday Date" saying she's going to be over an hour earlier. The two women are on a collision course!

Lady Friend is in my apartment. We're having a wonderful conversation. But they're getting closer and closer...

I finally have to tell Lady Friend that I can't continue talking, that I have someone coming over.

She was quiet. For a little too long.....

At first I worried I'd dashed my chances of being able to see her romantically sometime in the future -- the illusion that Lady Friend and I would continue getting closer and closer, until someday we would start seeing each other again. But how do I know? For all I know I could just as easily have improved the odds by showing Lady Friend I was "on the market." This is the wrong way to think about the situation, though; it's not the kind of move you calculate in advance. I was truthful about the situation.

And I sent Lady Friend a nice email this morning. I hope she answers it. Maybe we can continue on as we were, this not meaning much of anything.

I thought about telling Lady Friend that the Saturday date had been a bust -- that after one week, it was the talk about whether or not we had a future, and the answer was no. (Er, that was my answer.) I didn't particularly care for the way Friday Date handled the situation - - but, anyways, she's out of my life, so I'm not really spending alot of time thinking about her anyways.

That's what inspired me to write this entry, actually. Today my favorite online journalist AntiProfound talked about meeting a new man who held her face in his hands. Ironically, continuing our eerie pattern of parallel lives, Friday Date had held my face in her hands, too. In the hallway, as she walked out of my life. And I decided that in this case, it was viciously passive-aggressive. "You fool, you're letting wonderful ME walk out of your life."

Good thing I didn't like her that much. Good riddance.

Ironically, I got in an argument with a third ex-girlfriend Saturday night. It was about something stupid, and I think it was her having a bad day. Whatever. It's not like we've been the close friends we used to be, anyways. So again -- whatever....

There was one thing that had me concerned this weekend. I really value the time I get to spend with Lady Friend -- and yet, at some point Saturday morning, I found myself feeling angry at her. I've written about how I've suddenly started experiencing bouts of anger that don't go away. I thought they were biochemical, but now I think I'm just emotional. And the last thing I ever wanted to happen was for Lady Friend to trigger one of these uncontrollable surges.

I took a deep breath; I was able to keep it in the background. I spent the afternoon by myself, breathing deep, trying to get some relaxation back into my body, to make this go away. And I think I succeeded.

Lady Friend had disagreed on a piece of art I really liked. We've never disagreed before, so her vehement dismissal -- well, inside I was feeling "Hey! Hey, I like that! I don't mind you disliking it, but -- hey! Hey, I'm here, with a different opinion...!"

Ouch!

It was a learning experience, though. I learned that I really dig the almost motherly respect and love I get from Lady Friend. And it's a jolt if there's flat-out disagreement coming towards me instead. Once I get on my feet psychologically, this shouldn't be that big of a deal. Though I'm wondering if I'll still feel as strongly about Lady Friend then as I do now.

It's been a busy weekend....