3/22/02 - 10:04 p.m.

Lady Friend called me tonight. We talked for hours.

We've also continued swapping long emails to each other. And we're going to meet tomorrow and hang out.

Her voice is like electricity to me. It reminds me it's possible to feel intense connection to another person. That there can be sharing and understanding. That it's possible to get out of lonely world and rejoin the human race.

Maybe we're just great friends. Or maybe more. I decided a long time ago not to try to sort it out.

It seems strange that Saturday afternoon I'm meeting the other woman, from last Friday. ("Friday Date.") I'd try to figure out exactly what it is I want from her, but I think somewhere inside I've already decided that she's a place-holder, so it really doesn't matter. I should probably say something to her -- but it's not really clear what she thinks is going on, either. It's like we're both cultivating miscommunication.

I prefer thinking about Lady Friend anyways. There's absolutely no indication of what's going to happen next -- but at least with Lady Friend the possibilities seem so much grander. It makes the ambiguity somehow meaningful.

So that's where things stand now. I prefer thinking about Lady Friend.

And we're spending lots of time together.