2/23/01 - 5:11 p.m.

It feels like I hardly recognize myself.

Sometimes I twitch, remembering ancient pain and isolation. Feeling its contrast to a growing contentment. Peaceful. Maybe even a prospect for fulfillment.

Is all this from remembering Lady Friend? Has it been that long since I've felt warmth and understanding?

Am I opening like a flower bud?

Maybe someday I can finally start to relax, learn to treat myself gentle. I've already started taking it easy. Working on my own projects in between short-term work contracts. Spent part of today reading. Plan to loll around my apartment this weekend, since I'll spend most of next week on-site.

And thinking constructive thoughts. It wouldn't be so wrenching to move into a cheaper apartment. Just need to make sure I can keep commuting to those short-term contract jobs.