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1/31/02 - 9:30 p.m.

I decided not to go out tonight to meet my geek friends. Yes, I know this can be a sign of depression.

But there could be a more positive explanation. I met a new woman. Almost two months ago. Sometimes we have coffee together. Sometimes we send each other email. That's it. I don't know if it means anything more than that. She has two teenagers.

I think she's used to talking to her children with love and respect. Because when she talks to me, I feel like she listens with love and respect.

I decided to let myself believe that this was possible. Sometimes I moon around my apartment, thinking how much nicer it is. Finally having a friend; a new kind of friend. That I can be myself around.

Maybe it's made me dissatisfied with my old crop of cronies. Now I shall no longer settle for simply being heard bantering at a crowded bar. Or, yeah, maybe I am depressed, and the reason I don't want to go tonight is that I recognize -- correctly -- that nothing that could be said would change my mood in the slightest.

But when I think of the new woman, I am less depressed.

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