03/11/10 - 11:51 p.m.

So I'm sort of feuding with my girlfriend right now...

She didn't pick me up downtown when I wanted her to. And she sort of hurried me to get out of the house when I was trying to pay our gas bill. But in my head what I'm really mad about is last week, when she just went all despondent and started lashing out at me when I'd try to talk about it.

And then the next day she said it was all better. But then she snapped at me again a few days later -- just hours after I said "You really shouldn't snap at me, even if you're in a bad mood." And now this...

I worry that listing it all out is sort of unfair and arbitrary. It's always stressful to have to deal with another person. But having said that, she just refuses to take care of herself, or us, or anything, periodically. Because, you know, she's depressed...

What exactly is my role in this? My response?

The thing is, I used to be a lot more patient about stuff like this. Now I'm trying to deal with stress in my life -- mostly job-related stuff. And this crap from her isn't helping...

I had a theory about why I'm stressed out, by the way. I go to bed right after I finish my work. (Because it's late, and I really need sleep.) But then I never get to just let it go and look back on the day. So after a while, there's a whole series of days that I can't really remember. It's like sleep becomes a big brain wipe. (Well, and also, I'm older now, so maybe my brain is just getting stupider to begin with.)

Anyways, I'm not particularly grounded. So she picked a bad time to become difficult.

And really, it's an unfair strategy. It's like "preemptive depression". As in, "Ordinarily we'd talk and work things out. But I'm depressed, so I get to tick you off about anything I want to, and then say 'I'm depressed' when you ask why. And in anticipation of that, you have to walk on eggshells."

And if you ask her what's going on, she'll say "I don't know. Gee, I wish I did. But, hey, whaddya gonna do? Depression. Now let me do whatever I want."

It's horrifically irresponsible. That is, perhaps, one of the first problems she should deal with.

What I really need is a way to separate these two things. I've said, many times, that I friggin' hate having to accomplish some task with her -- because she waddles up, unmotivated and agitated, and her response to difficult situations is exasperation, and then instantly giving up, and then complaining to her friends about how difficult it was. Er, anyways, my larger point was I'd be fine, and I'd be okay with all this, if she didn't actually try to lock me to her hip...when she's in a depressed mood. I need to pack her off to her mother-in-laws, or something.

"And don't hurry back, dear...."