03/09/03 - 1:07 a.m.

I'm thinking now.

Two years ago I got laid off. I had a safety net for a while, and used that time to grow; and try to think up a new way of surviving.

About that time I met LadyFriend... Because I was lonely and desperate for affirmation.

Lately I've been arguing - with LadyFriend, and with women I date... I say it's because I'm growing still more, and no longer accepting any low levels of genuine understanding.

So it's not that everything went wrong when I met LadyFriend. It's that it was a phase of a longer arc of growth.

But it's scary sometimes. Because I'm living a new way, with new people... Deliberately unrooting from my old life.

Change is hard.